The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Plot Device

To say this post contains spoilers is a moot point. "Spoilers" means it will ruin the surprise of the movie when you see it. But you should never see this movie. The movie HAD to have been written by fan fiction writers.

Jet Li + Michelle Yeoh = Endless Supply of Win?

Incorrect.

The Mummy 3: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor was hands down the worst movie I've paid to see in over a decade (I saw Patrick Swayze in 'Black Dog' at the dollar show). The plot was forced and scattered. The acting was terrible (point: Brendan's voice sounds like a muppet when he says he put down the same mummy, twice). The characters had zero chemistry. The dialog was flat and poorly delivered. The special effects were cheesy and very unimpressive.

Problem 1: Rick and Evelyn O'Connell are sent to China to deliver a treasure because of their expertise. The other Mummy movies were about an Egyptian mummy. What expertise do they have about China?

Problem 2: Evelyn O'Connell is a totally different actress AND character. In the first two movies, she's bookish and pulls the audience along as she unravels the mysteries. Now she's wielding a sword and wants to be in the middle of the action.

Problem 3: Rick and Evelyn have a 26 year old son (at least that's how old Luke Ford is), but they haven't aged a day. Even a scene with a shirtless Brendan Fraser shows he's super buff, not scarred and weathered. They haven't had any adventures since Mummy 2 (15+ years by the son's age difference), why would he still be in such good shape?

Problem 4: When the mummy is having his CG death, Brendan actually says "Now you can rule ... in Hell" It was so predictable, I said it with him.

Problem 5: If the emperor's army crosses the Great Wall, they become indestructible... why? The significance of the Great Wall was never explained.

Problem 6: Where is this tomb? At the end, the tomb was shown to be within a football's throw from the Great Wall. At the beginning when they're digging up the tomb, there's no sign of the Wall. When he raises his army, the Wall's right there. Then when the POW army is raised, the Emperor's army is like a mile away.

Problem 7: You can defeat ancient martial art skill by headbutting. It's true.

Problem 8: The Emperor has power over fire, water, air, earth, and metal. Why metal? Shouldn't that included with earth? He uses fire and water (ice) a lot, a little bit of air to toss people around. But doesn't use earth or metal for anything. Unless it was so subtle I missed it while rolling my eyes.

Problem 9: Yes it's magic, but why did Zi Juan and her daughter have to give up their immortality to raise the dead armies under the Great Wall? The immortality of two people was enough of a magical reagent to raise thousands of undead soldiers? Maybe their immortality was dispersed amongst all the soldiers, giving them a timer on the duration of their reanimation... Why did they turn to dust a few minutes after the Emperor died, and not after Zi Juan (who cast the spell to raise them) died? Why was the general only missing an arm, when he was quartered at death? Why did have a sword? Why was he the only one without a decayed face?

Problem 10: The entire plot is laid out at the start. The Emperor will go to the mountain temple (which is a 20 minute flight from the Great Wall I guess), use the diamond to reveal the location of Shangri-La (the "revealing" was a blue laser over the mountains, yet they found the cave without a problem, though the girl had been there plenty of times without the diamond), get shape shifting abilities (eh? why?), come back and raise his army, and take over the world.

Problem 11: When Alex and Lin were having their "moment" on the icy mountain... "Because I will live forever... I can't stand to watch you grow old and die" ... I said out loud "If they make out, I'm walking out" (un)Luckily the scene ended a few poorly delivered/written lines later and I was obligated to stay longer.

Problem 12: There are complex and apparently useless clockwork under the Great Wall. Giant gears that turn and create crushing hazards, but they don't appear to work any mechanism.

Problem 13: The Great Wall of China was built by a single man and built totally with slave labor. The base of the Wall is about 30 feet under ground level. That's what this movie implies. So it must be true.

There is zero "exploration" in this movie. Zero variance, you just are walking down a concrete path of plot. The enemy mummy was a random Chinese guy with a copy/paste back story of the last mummy.